i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's rum buckets o'clock
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
