my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
