Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
