dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He? As in you personified your dick?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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