My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
