So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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