She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
