we have pet lesbian snakes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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