Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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