I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
