left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
