porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
