In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
