Capitaan dildo arrescate!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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