He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
