is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
