dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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