I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
