Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
