I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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