In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
