How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
