he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
