then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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