Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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