told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas