found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting