omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.