he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life