I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number