How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.