I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
