Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I did not marry a roomba.
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