I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
