thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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