I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
