I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
