youre lurking in front of me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
