how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
