dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
