So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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