Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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