sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize