Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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