She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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