I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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