susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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