You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
