you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
