Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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