It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
