and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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