PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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