I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
