i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
