at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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