community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
