I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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