There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements