you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.