I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me