I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How's work?
Spinning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
