I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.