I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3