if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.