Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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