hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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