hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
