just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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