I only kidnapped one of them. chill
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
