Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
