the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
