oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize