So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
