is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
