Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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