She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drake has all the answers
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
