Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
