dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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