he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
