How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
smell my finger.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
