Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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