dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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