she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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