He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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