"it" just moved
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
