guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
