Don't make out with my wife yet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize