It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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