I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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