If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
