So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
