So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
